Chin Q'olb'en Tey

"Love rushes into the absence that is loss, and that love brings inspired action. If we are able to give ourselves to the loss, to move toward it rather than away in an effort to escape or deny or distract or obscure, our wounded hearts become full, and out of that fullness we will do things differently and we will do different things." - Norman Fischer.

My heart’s been so heavy this past couple days. With all the tragedy that has happened in Paris, Beirut, Cario, Mali, and around the world, I miss my support network of family and friends back in the States more than ever. I would give anything to cook a meal with my mom and talk about how to find peace in times when the world seems so dark around us. These past months, I’ve had my moments of strength and courage and then days like today, where I still feel like the scared, lost 22 year old that boarded a plane to Guatemala 2 months ago. But right now, I’m staying present, continuing to focus on the little victories, and moments of peace I find through my work here as a PCT.

Two days ago I received my site placement – aka where I’ll be working, living, and experiencing life as a Peace Corps Volunteer for the next TWO YEARS!!!!!! Each different project (Youth in Development, Healthy Schools, and Maternal & Child Health) has a different tradition and way of presenting each volunteer with their site placement. Luckily, for us YiDers, our program staff is super pilas and creative. Our big reveal was an absolutely memorable one (thanks Patrick, Bani, and Rocio!). We were all brought outside where there were posters with names of 7 different sites laying on the ground. They were spread out in the formation of the map of Guatemala. Our project managers told us to walk around and look at each poster to get a feel for where we would all be placed in relation to one another. It felt so exciting and nerve-wracking to walk around each poster, knowing that one of those posters represented the site I would call home for the next two years. Next, we were blindfolded and one by one, we were led to the poster that was our site. Once we were all placed, they counted to three and we removed our blindfolds! The first thing I did was look up, towards all my fellow trainees/friends and noticed how far away they were from me. My heart dropped with the realization that in just a week, we would all is heading out on our separate journeys. But I was also filled with gratitude for the mere fact that Peace Corps brought us all together in the first place. Then my roller coaster of emotions shot me right back into reality. I looked down at my feet and the poster that sat at the tip of my toes read “San Marcos”. My jaw dropped. The first week I arrived in Guatemala, the Country Director mentioned that two Peace Corps Volunteers would be sent to San Marcos with the task of reopening it. It was closed in 2012 and the two currently serving volunteers there had to be pulled abruptly due to the heavy presence of narco-trafficking. Never in a million years did I think I would be one of those two volunteers to open San Marcos! Panic, fear, and excitement crept over me when I saw that I was standing over San Marcos. It's an incredible honor and I'm so touched that my program staff has that level of confianza in me! But oh man, it's also a lot of pressure! I will be heading into a community that has never seen a YiD Peace Corps Volunteer. I will be starting from absolute scratch, building relationships, establishing trust, and trying to make a difference, all while at an elevation of 8,000 ft! Yup, this little southerner who grew up BELOW sea level will be living in the mountains for the next two years! 

A little bit about San Marcos:

My department is home of the largest volcano in Central America, Tajumulco. From my little community, I will have a clear view of the massive Tajumulco. But honestly, I could have a view of a hill and I would be excited! It is also home to the Quetzal, which is the national bird of Guatemala. The Quetzal is Guatemala's national symbol of freedom, but unfortunately it is facing extinction. I remember in my first weeks here, my host dad told me about these beautiful birds that can only be found in a few areas, like the cloud forests in San Marcos. As far as my community in San Marcos goes, we've got a whopping 1,000 people! I am actually so pumped about this and have already set a goal to know EVERYBODY! I am in a region which speaks a Mayan language called Mam. In my community, 40% of the people speak Mam. I have already begun Mam language classes and let me tell you, learning a third language in your second language (Spanish) is SO HARD. But it’s an awesome challenge! I am so eager to learn more. 

Everything is moving so fast here. It's surreal to look back to the day, 8 weeks ago, that I said goodbye to my family, through tears, and boarded a plane to Guatemala. I have already seen some of my lowest lows and highest highs. I cannot imagine what these next two years will hold. However, what I do know is that while fear comes with a journey full of the unknown, so do excitement, meaning, and growth. I’m alive here. My heart is here and that’s how I know I belong here. 

Melanie, Amy, Kat, Ben, and Chrissy during our site reveal

San Marcos in red!!!!! Come visit!